Even after everything
by emma.dan
Summary: Stan never remembers and Kyle is fine with it, really... But the truth is that they're hanging on the rope and when the past comes back to haunt their present, everything falls out of balance. So now they have no clue about what to do with the(ir) future.
1. Used to it

**This thing has a plot, I promise. **

**Also, this is the first fanfic I've ever dared to publish and english isn't my first language. But I love absolutely love Style and I had to write them on their original language! :3. So yeah, there's that.**

**Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it ;).**

**Disclaimer: South Park and all of its characters are Trey Parker and Matt Stone property (god bless them).**

* * *

- I've missed you, dude.

Kyle pinched the edge of his nose. Of course Stan just had to go and get wasted. This was just like him: to get drunk and start blabblering nonsense out of nowhere.

And he never remembered. Which only made it hurt more. Not that it was something new, the ache, Kyle was used to it, he had to be by now.

So, when Stan pulled his arm around Kyle's waist and leaned too much closer, he should have stepped back and free himself of his super best friend's grasp; it was common sense.

Instead, he leaned in too, just like every time. Because he could fool himself about the pain. _He was used to it, really._

But he could never lie about the feeling of having Stan's lips on his own. _He could never get tired of it, really._

* * *

His head felt heavy and the world was spinning still a little when he woke up. He sat on the bed, growling at the headache that was forming already at the light coming from the open curtains.

A red sleeping bag was on the floor, but Kyle was nowhere to be seen. He assumed that his friend had taken his drunk self home at some point, then. So he was probably on the bathroom or something. He smiled at the thought. It wasn't as if Kyle and him had had time to hang out the last month. Not really.

But now that summer had started, they could fix that.

The sudden appearance of Kyle on pajamas, all wild hair and a toast on his hand, made him want to laugh, his head aching at the attempt. Kyle looked amused at the sight.

- I take it you're hangover? - he said arching an eyebrow - Mister "I bet I can take more shots than Tucker!" - he continued mockingly.

- Ugh, piss off, Kyle. I totally won that.

- I hardly believe that Token retrieving Craig off of the competition counts as the overwhelming victory you claimed it to be.

Stan throwed a pillow at him in a pathetic effort to hit his head and winced at the sudden pain on his forehead. Kyle chuckled a bit when he saw Stan's expression.

- Oh, fuck off, Broflowsky. Anyway, how did we made it home last night?

For a brief moment, Kyle looked uncertain and then, just a little bit annoyed.

- What's the last thing you remember?

- Uh, being dragged out of Token's living room.

Of course. Fucking of course.

- Yeah, right. He did it for his parent's carpet sake. I don't blame him; you and Craig were being assholes... as usual.

There was a hint of anger on Kyle's tone that let Stan confused. After all, he could never know with Kyle and his drunk self.

- What happened? Did I throw up on you or something?

His redheaded friend sighed and now there was only sadness on it. Stan was as lost as he usually was at the next day of getting drunk.

- Nah, we walked here and you passed out as soon as you were on my bed. You almost fall twice, though.

- Ugh, dude, I'm sorry I was a burden for you last night, - he said dramatically, he knew Kyle would appreciate the effort at apologizing - if it helps, my head is killing me.

- No problem. But it doesn't help... not much. You'll have to compensate me!

Stan found Kyle's wide smile menacing.

* * *

**Yeah, I know it's a short start, but I had to publish it now or I was never going to do it :P**  
**Thanks for reading it anyway! I'll update as soon as I can, probably around the next weekend. See you soon, dudes! :)**

**So, yeah, like... feel free to review?**


	2. As usual

**So yeah. A bit of context to you all; enjoy.**

* * *

- Why can't we go on the afternoon? - Stan yawned - it should be forbidden to get up so early the day after a party.

- Nine o'clock isn't that early; besides, I've already told you, Stanley, my parents are coming home around five and god knows what would happen if they don't find me here by then.

- I don't get it, they were out all the weekend, it's not as if they could expect you to stay indoors all that time.

- It's not that, but yeah, well, my mom started a fucking war when we were kids because Terrance and Phillip cursed and farted, damaging our "innocent young minds" - Stan chuckled at his friend annoyed expression. They were having breakfast at Kyle's kitchen, Stan's hangover controlled thanks to Kyle's aspirins and Kyle's hair all wet and dripping after having showered. Stan had cooked for both of them when Kyle proclaimed that cereal was just fine before entering the bathroom and he had replied that he was just being as lazy as usual. Not that he was like that about everything; his friend could become extremely active when it came to studying, cleaning and that kind of stuff, but as for everything else... Now, Kyle was devouring the pancakes Stan had served him and glaring at his friend, Stan knew the warning too much well: shut up. As usual, he ignored it.

- Hey, leave some for your little brother, you cereal lover. - For all answer, Kyle growled at him.

- He's asleep and probably won't get up 'til noon. Besides, as your super best friend, I have _privileges_ over your pancakes. - He grinned at Stan and suddenly the black-haired boy felt like there was too much space between them. He was having more and more often that kind of thoughts and truth be told, he wasn't sure he didn't like them.

- Stan? - He came back to reality and nodded at his best friend, who looked at him like he was acting weird. He was. - Hey, you better hurry or we'll never make it in time.

He picked at his food without enthusiasm. Kyle's parents around meant not having limitless time to spend with Kyle and that thought had taken most of his appetite.

* * *

The sun was bright when they finally got out of Kyle's house and started walking towards the Marsh residence; Stan wanted to shower and change his clothes before taking Kyle to Denver with him. He felt funny taking a bath at his friend's house, so he said he would wait until they arrived to his house. Kyle just shrugged and called him picky.

- Why didn't we take your car last night, again?

- Ky...

- Oh, right: 'cause you were totally drunk - Stan snorted a little; he knew Kyle just enjoyed too much pushing his buttons.

- Dude, we've talked about this before; you gotta learn how to drive - his red-headed friend looked at him, bored - C'mon! To who else am I gonna trust my shitty car?

- And don't forget about your shitty drunk ass, too.

- Exactly.

They were both now smiling at each other with amusement. Kyle looked away first and cleared his throat. Stan blinked, for a moment he could almost feel like something was there, hiding on plain sight; lately, he couldn't help to feel like he was missing something. But, again, that kind of thing had become more and more frequent between the two of them.

Kyle broke the silence before it got awkward and snapped Stan out of his thoughts.

- Aren't your parents gonna tell you something if you just go in, say hi and then go out again for several hours?

Stan frowned a little. He didn't know what bothered him more: the fact that Kyle's parents were so severe on his friend or the fact that his own parents didn't seem to care anymore. Ever since their second attempt at divorce and after getting back together once again, Stan's house was a cold one. His parents had decided to live with what they already knew, but they forgot how to go forward together and the result was a weird mix that left Shelly and Stan in the middle of an already lost marriage.

- Nah, my dad is fine as long as I pay for the gas and my mom is so worried about Shelly that she's grateful I haven't been arrested or something.

Well, there was something their parents did together, and that was getting worried about their oldest daughter and her "dangerous behavior", which according to Stan, could be translated as "Shelly's boyfriend". It seemed as if this was one of the little things that actually brought Stan's parents close, so he just let the three of them be. He was ignored most of the time now that he was older and could take care of himself, anyway.

Kyle already knew all of this and couldn't help to notice the sudden change on the expression of his best friend; Stan was really good at pretending around everyone else that everything was fine at home, but for him, the one that had spent almost all of his life by his side, he let down his guard often, and Kyle knew it. So when the blue-eyed boy stared at the ground, pensive and with a hint of sadness, Kyle felt a bit broken, like he always did when Stan looked like he was hurt. Probably he shouldn't have asked that in the first place, but he couldn't help to feel a little guilty every time Stan spent the night out of his home and with him. Not that he didn't love to have him on his own _(he really loved to have the sight of Stan's disheveled self all for him on the mornings)_, but his friend seemed to spend less and less time with his family and things were only getting worse.

He bit his lip before deciding to change the topic for the sake of the trip, they could go on and on about Stan's situation for hours and it usually ended with a depressed Stan and an angsty Kyle holding onto each other for dear life; today he wasn't sure he could handle it after having shared a kiss just the day before.

- Oh, yeah, the gas. So... when are you guys going to know what will be your summer shifts at City Wok? - Stan rolled his eyes at the question and poor attempt to change the conversation, but he smiled slightly at his friend because he appreciated the effort.

- Probably today, - he saw Kyle opening his mouth and frowning and he interrupted him before he could starting to protest - but don't worry, it's my day off and Kenny would be there anyway, he'll tell me later.

- I wasn't gonna say anything, Stanley. - Stan raised an eyebrow at his annoyed face; it was his turn to press Kyle's buttons.

- Yeah, right, don't pretend you weren't going all "speech mode" on me, dude.

- Well, I thought you were skipping!

- No way, Ky, you'd bitch at me _all day_ - Stan started laughing at his growling, so the red-headed boy stuck out his tongue at him and was about to flip him off when Stan took his green ushanka and started running away from a very upset Kyle.

Before they knew it, the Marsh residence was in front of them and Stan stopped to give Kyle his hat back before smiling fondly at his friend, who was putting it on his head once again while casting a murderous look at Stanley. He never got rid of that hat because of his frenzy hair, he felt like he looked weird without it and it didn't matter how much Marsh tried to convince him otherwise. Like right now.

- Seriously, dude. You could have half of the girls from school right at your neck if you let your curls go wild. - He then winked at him playfully and Kyle looked away before he started blushing, but it wasn't necessary, his oblivious friend was already walking to the door and talking to him about something else. - Wait for me here, I don't know if my dad is asleep on the living room today. - Kyle nodded and waited until Stan addressed him from the inside.

When he stepped inside, the house was silent and it seemed like there was nobody around; Stan glanced at him and shrugged, he was used to it.

- My mom is probably shopping and if my dad isn't with her, he must be at my uncle's house. - Both of them knew where Shelly probably was, so Kyle just waved a hand at him.

- It's ok, dude; go take a bath, you stink.

Stan would have replied to him if that wasn't true, so he just sighed and answered, defeated:

-C'mon, you can play videogames in my room or something while you wait.

* * *

Kyle could hear the sound of water coming from across the bathroom. He tried to concentrate on the comic book he was currently reading, but his efforts were in vain. He was already starting to picturing things he shouldn't. He put the comic aside and closed his eyes, frustrated at the mental images he had of his best friend and the fact that they were just that: best friends. Even when they had already kissed, even when they had been attached to the hip since preschool, even when he knew both of them wanted to be more than what they already were. The problem was that Stan kept forgetting, and that made Kyle ache deeply, it didn't matter if he lied to himself saying he preferred having Stan kissing him and then being forgotten, than no having him at all.

Kyle was at a constant debate between the part of himself that assured him it was just a matter of time before Stan realized consciously that he liked him, and the part that said he was just fooling himself, that maybe Stan did like him, but not enough to do it sober 'cause maybe he was just feeling lonely and Kyle was at hand.

He was getting particularly tired of the shit the later part repeated at him constantly. Because Stan was, above it all, his best friend. And so he wanted to believe in him, he had faith on him; he knew him, he was better than that. So he just told the voice on his head to go fuck itself and sighed, his patience growing thin.

* * *

When Stan came out of the shower, he was faced with the sight of Kyle asleep nonchalantly on his bed, the comic he had picked from the stash of books besides him and his mouth slightly parted.

He smiled and came closer to examinate his friends expression, it made him feel something unknown at the pit of his stomach and he blamed the rareness of the situation. Usually he was a heavy sleeper and the one getting up late whenever they slept on the same place, so he always missed things like Kyle snoring or his face while sleeping. Right now it looked like he was upset at something, even if he was sleeping… though, at the same time, he looked kind of peaceful. Stan wanted more time to watch this unusually quiet Kyle, but he thought that would be a bit creepy, so he finished dressing and afterwards went to wake up the green-eyed boy. And when Kyle rubbed his eyes after being waken up and Stan found it incredibly cute, he told his mind to cut it out and hurried his friend to the door. They couldn't waste time, after all.

* * *

**Didn't I told you this was going to be a little longer? And that I would upload on the weekend?**

**So here it's the second chapter, as promised. Kind of. It was really long (or so I thought so), so I had to split it into two parts, but don't worry, I'll upload the next part (trip to Denver, cliffhanger and all that stuff) on sunday ;).**

**Basically, this was an attempt at a portrait of Stan and Kyle's relationship based off my headcanons; it may seem a little boring, but all this blah blah is needed for the upcoming story, I swear.**

**I think that's all for now, see ya on sunday dudes!**


End file.
